The Land of Ice Chronicles: The boy with the pink and green aura

Ivon; His name is Ivon Roberts. Since the day I had an actual conversation with him, we’ve hung out like three times but it was like there was some instant connection there. Funny thing is, there was already an obvious connection between us that I actively ignored for like 3 months because I was stuck in such a negative mindset.

Let me elaborate.

If you’ve read all of these blogs or know me, you know I have an obsession with all things Korean. I even think I might have been a Korean Princess in a past life, but that’s beside the point. The point is that ever since I arrived here in Limerick, I had been praying to meet and chill with someone who shares my interest in the Asian Gods and Goddesses that make up the Korean entertainment industry. And yet, when I found out there were TWO people that shared this interest in MY DAMN CLASS, my negative mindset caused me to ignore the fact. I decided not to engage in too much conversation because I thought, “eh. They won’t like me because I’m American”, or “eh. They seem too popular to hang out with me… I’m a loser”.

Man, I sincerely wish I could go back in time and knock some damn sense into my naive self. I missed out on an amazing friendship for almost 5 months. But you know what, it does bring me joy that I ended up finding this friendship. Honestly, its one of the only things I’ll miss when I leave Ireland.

But why, though? Can thou explain?

I can. After talking to Ivon for a while, we’d decided to hit up the stables for the last couple “TGIF International Parties” they were having. Now, if you’ve read my other blogs, you are aware how much I despise the music they play. Yet, I really felt like this time would be different and BOY WAS IT. First off, I was actually happy the entire night. Four different guys actually came to talk to me because I guess they found me interesting. Whatever the case, Mama felt sexy as hell. I felt such a natural high just from being there with my newly made friend. That child is like a monster on the dancefloor; he will legitimately dance to anything and throw all of his energy into it. Needless to say, just by being around him for one song made me feel like I’d just had 17 shots of tequila. So the music wasn’t a bother; I started jamming to Party in the USA feeling like a proud Lil’ ditsy American. I went around and must’ve given 10 different strangers hugs just because I found them attractive. Mama was wild.

I had never felt so free in the 5 months that I’d been in Ireland so this was an actual big deal. I just felt so confident and I honestly think part of it came from the energy I was picking up from Ivon. He danced the entire night without a care in the world. He was just happy to be doing something that was fun for him and that alone was a joy to watch unfold. The next time we hit up stables again, it was just as magical and I am so glad. Now when I think about the on-campus club/bar, I am filled with joy, happiness, and laughter.

The third time we hung out, we went to go eat. We must’ve stayed in the restaurant for like 3 hours just talking about life and other things. I truly felt connected to someone Irish for the first time since I’d been here. I hadn’t had a talk like that with anyone in a really long time. I also hadn’t laughed that hard in a really long time and it felt amazing. Then we hopped in his car, and I listened to his album. Yeah, ya heard right. IVON IS A SINGER-SONGWRITER!!

If you know me, I am obsessed with music and love humans who create it. You can imagine my utter shock when I heard how professional all the songs on his album were. I was expecting like normal-grade college kid produced stuff. But boy, his stuff sounded like he’d spent years in a studio perfecting it all. The lyrics were also freaking spectacular. I related to almost every song and part of me wanted to use half of them and create a musical about the struggles my generation goes through. I was beyond amazed and like I- I just- speechless.

But I think the best part of that night was what he did and where he drove as I listened to all these fantastical songs. Ivon drove us to like two or three different counties as we heard his songs. He said he’d done it so now I can say I’ve explored more of Ireland and been to more parts of Ireland. The smol sensitive crybaby in me wanted to weep with gratitude. Nobody has ever done something like that for me and it literally warmed my heart.

When we got back in the area where the school was, I popped in some KPOP and boy am I glad I did. THIS IS PRICELESS!

When I got home, I felt so happy, grateful, joyous, and basically any other positive emotion you can think of. The boy with the pink and green aura had given me the gift of pure happiness, a thing which I’d forgotten the feeling of.

Thank you Ivon Alexander Roberts. You mean the world. Keep chasing your dreams and never doubt yourself, you will do great things for this world.

Stay tuned for next week’s chapter of

“The Land of Ice Chronicles”

 

The Land of Ice Chronicles: Maybe it isn’t that icy

Where was I? Ahh yes, my point of spiritual awakening and enlightenment.

So I found a meditation video on youtube and was shocked at how much of my jaw pain it relieved. The guided meditation took me travelling through galaxies, which allowed me to leave all my troubles and worries behind me. Here, in a space that my own mind created, I could see just how small my problems were in the grand scheme of things. I realized the power of my mind at that point. I could meditate any time I wanted to and go into this safe space. So that’s what I did. I meditated every single day and every day I began to learn new things about myself. I learned that all the sunlight I was in desperate need of was already inside me. Respectively, I learned that all the darkness that was keeping me from realizing this was also deep within me. I came to the realization that it was only I who could control what mood I am in; I, alone, decide the fate of my future and whether it is a positive one or a negative one.

Once I learned all of these lessons and became very in touch with my spirituality, amazing things began to happen. For one, I signed up for a weight-loss program and I’ve lost about 10 pounds since then. It doesn’t get any better than that people.

I also saw a Michael Jackson Impersonator show and GOT TO SING one of the lyrics into the microphone. I’m friends on Instagram with one of the dancers from the show. LIFE COULD NOT BE BETTER, my friends.

This ain’t even the best part, ya’ll.

I also started to feel and sense energies. I started to see in my mind’s eye the energy and its corresponding colour that people radiated out into the universe. The colours were so magnificent and mesmerizing. I started to think back on how I could’ve been friends with all these beautiful humans who gave the universe the light and energy that it requires to survive. I could’ve been hit with all these waves of yellow, blue, turquoise, pink, and green too. So I thought, “hey why not start now? It is never too late for friendships to bloom”. That’s the day I decided to approach the boy with the most beautiful energy I’d ever seen; the boy with the pink and green aura. But you’ll hear about that soon.

For now, you should just walk away learning the lesson that we are in charge of our own fate and destiny. We can either conjure up our worst fears or summon our wildest dreams.

The choice is yours.

If you’d like to read about the boy with the pink and green aura,

then read the next chapter of

“The land of Ice Chronicles”

The Land of Ice Chronicles: A little piece of home

I am aware that you are excited to see how I reached the state of enlightenment that I am now at. First, however, you need to know what happened just right before I reached my lowest point.

It was the beginning of Spring Break and my mom was flying in tomorrow morning. I was so excited I could barely sleep. On top of that, I mustered up enough of my courage to go to a meetup group that said a party was going on that night. You know me; I love parties so I was expecting a huge turn-out and a bunch of hotties to flirt with. Yet, the people that went to the meetup were not at all hotties. Everyone at this meetup was in their late 30s/early 40s. I legit wanted to cry; again the country had let me down. Not only that but because I was expecting to meet GUYS MY AGE, my outfit was showing my goodies. You know what that means, right?

Throughout the entire meetup, I burned to death in my thick ass coat.

The night was a nightmare; even the club we went to afterward was playing crappy music. I just kept looking up at the sky like “WHY ME?! I HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG”. When I got back home, I just kept thinking about how my mom was coming. She always has a positive outlook on life so perhaps she’d help me shift my mindset back to a positive state. When she arrived I wrapped my arms around her tighter than I ever had before. I missed my mom so much; she was my best friend who I loved hanging out with. That same day we walked all the way to the movies and explored Limerick. I’d been to all the places we went already but everything seemed brighter. It was like my mom was a vessel for the sunlight I was in deep need of. I swear, I have never smiled so much since I’d come to Ireland. I was truly happy for the first time in months and I really didn’t want it to end…

Hence.. when it was coming to an end, I could feel myself slipping back into a depression. I felt like my only source of sunlight was leaving me and that all hope was gone. And that’s when it started; I couldn’t sleep. I’d wake up every hour because I felt this intense pain in my teeth and jaw. I felt like I was being stabbed repeatedly on the left side of my face and I couldn’t take it. I called my mom in tears yelling that I wanted to go back home. The pain was that unbearable. I even talked to all the professors here to see about leaving early. I was ready to get my ass back where the sun shines. But it turned out, that process would still take time. If I wanted to go home early, I probably couldn’t for another week until everything was sorted out. I just wanted to cry even more; I could not take another week in this hell-hole without my mom. I just wanted to be back home where everything is familiar and comfortable.

In the meantime, however, I went to the medical Centre to get myself checked out. He said he thought I might’ve popped a muscle in my jaw so he prescribed me anti-inflammatories. The hope was that doc was right and that I’d get better and make it through the rest of the semester. But the pain was so bad sometimes, I felt like I needed to be rushed to an emergency room.

That’s when I started looking for anything that could help temporarily kill my pain. Fortunately enough, I came across a meditation video that ended up changing my life. A meditation video that would finally make me into the bright joyful being I once was.

But you’ll hear about that next time…

Keep Reading “The Land of Ice Chronicles” 

The Land of Ice Chronicles: Adjustment 101 [loss of interest, rise of negativity]

I have the flu now and I am bed-ridden. This meant that I had to miss all of my classes for about a week. I was forced to just stay in bed and watch Netflix. And in the beginning, I wanted to go out and go to class but after a day or two… I grew accustomed to my room and my ned. I grew too accustomed to them. On top of that, the flu caused my mindset to revert to one of complete negativity. That mindset caused me to look at all the things I hated in this country. I know what y’all are thinking; What could you possibly hate in such a green-coloured country said to be full of leprechauns? Oh, you’d be surprised. When you’re in a negative mindset, everything can be turned to shit and blown out of proportion somehow.

For example, the 15-minute walk from my house to classes started to feel like endless miles and miles of torturous walking. Every time it rained, I would have a mini panic-attack because of the hatred and lack of appreciation I had of rain. I got fed up with the Friday night parties at the stables bar because the DJ played the same music every single night and it was all crap. I hated the fact that now nobody would pay attention to me at the parties. I hated the weather for every time I’d get all pretty with makeup, the rain would mess it all up and cause me to cancel all plans and just stay home. I was upset because I couldn’t watch the things I wanted to on Netflix. I was tired of eating potatoes and having to put butter in my peanut butter because it tasted like a batter of wilting nuts. I was mad at the pizza because it wasn’t as good as South Korea’s, or even NYC’s. And the thing that always kicked me in the head was how small the bathrooms are here; It’s like they only think about the people with no fat in their body and no meat on their asses. Mama got meat all over her body; those tiny stalls had both sides of my hips colliding with either side of the wall. And if that wasn’t already annoying…

YoU hAvE tO pAy 20cEnTs tO TaKe A pIsS iF yOu’Re In ThE MaLL

Needless to say, since I was focusing on all these things, I was not getting better. After I was cured of the flu, I caught an ear infection that took about a month and a half to fade away. And once that was gone, I got hit with the worst of it. But… I’ll tell you about that later.

The big point here is that I was taking everything I had here for granted; I was just focusing on the negatives and creating imaginary negatives in the positives. I was lost in a sea of depression, darkness, self-loathing, homesickness and that contributed to making my physical body ill. It’s a funny thing, the mind. It’s a powerful thing, the mind. It’s this being that scientist haven’t been able to crack; it’s a thing that will heal a dying body when it is given a placebo pill, only because it believes it is being given real medicine. The mind is the thing that will determine what the physical body receives and gives off. It wasn’t until I learned this lesson, that my life in Ireland changed for the better. It wasn’t until I learned this lesson, that I was changed for the better.

Curious to see how my life changed?

You’ll have to wait until next week’s chapter of “The Land of Ice Chronicles”

[Also, sorry for the long wait between the publication of chapters. That’s why I published three in one day to make up for lost chances :). I hope you enjoy and learn from my mistakes]

The Land of Ice Chronicles: Adjustment 101 [Week 1]

“Rise and Shine”, my alarm seemed to yelp at the top of its lungs at 7am on a Monday morning.

I smiled as I woke up; it was the first day of Orientation.

For some odd reason, I was excited for Orientation week. It was fun in South Korea and it was a blast when I was a freshman in New Paltz so I had high expectations. I put on a ton of makeup, put on my cutest outfit and even wore my tiara. I was convinced that today was going to be an amazing day and I wanted to feel like a queen while I experienced it.

I walked into the auditorium where all the orientation stuff was happening and was able to talk to people more easily this time than when I was at Eden the day before. I made a few friends and then we were all off to get our Student IDs and going on a tour of the school. Our tour guide was Edward and he was a literal ball of energy; he called me Princess the entire day (which I admit made me feel like royalty). However, there is one thing he said at some point that harshed my mood just a bit that day. We were all talking about reasons we decided to come here and when it was my turn, I told my truth “I’m 25% Irish so I wanted to see what I was missing”. Before I could finish my sentence Ed cut me off and said:

“Hah- Americans always going around saying things like I’m 3% Polish, 0.001%Irish, 4%African…”

That response caught me off-guard and I admit that, at the moment, I wanted to roundhouse kick Edward in the face. It enraged me so much; that was so uncalled for. It made me feel so unwelcome in the country I was in. Even though I let it all slide after it happened, I think that it was that moment that kept me in a negative mindset for most of my semester here at UL. On the low-key, I couldn’t stop thinking about that one moment. It always seemed to remind me of the untrue thought I had; “I don’t belong here. Coming here was a mistake”. And then I would make it worse for myself by comparing the journey I was having here to the one I had in South Korea. I’d tell myself things like “if we were only in Korea we’d be happy”. The fact is that in Korea, I’d say things like “I think my spirit is Korean” and Koreans would just smile, laugh, hug me, and invite to go to places with them. Yet, here, a country where I have an actual ancestral history with wasn’t accepting me as being a part of it?

I know. I know. I was being 100% overdramatic is what I was being. The truth is that happiness shouldn’t be placed on anything external. It should always be something that is within you. After all, happiness is an emotion and we are the people that control when and why we feel or don’t feel it. This is a lesson that I wouldn’t learn until months after my first week in Ireland.

But before we get to my moment of enlightenment, let me tell you about my journey of getting there. So after the tour, we all went out for a beer which was pretty great. That’s one thing I love about this campus; there’s a bar on it. A bar that doubles as a nightclub. So you could imagine my excitement for the International Students Party. And I’m not gonna lie, when I look back at the first Stables Friday Party, I like to think it was pretty amazing.

Why was it so amazing?

Continue reading “The land of Ice Chronicles” and you’ll find out!

The Land of Ice Chronicles: Welcome to Limerick

It was about 9 am now and Rachel and I had just arrived in the City of Limerick. I can’t speak for Rachel but I was tired as hell; I literally wanted to sleep on the concrete… However, the fact that the school had arranged a cab to take us both to our dorms from the city kept me sane enough to stand up straight. My big plan was to get to my “new home” and just crash until my brain could function properly again. And I was literally laying in bed when I got the e-mail; there was an event happening and it was strongly advised that I go. This was my reaction:

Behold, here it is. This moment in time where I had to make a life-changing choice. Do I stay in and sleep? What would that mean for my social life in this country? Surely, if I stayed in bed things would go wrong. Wouldn’t they? I spent about 10 minutes in bed wondering what to do. Part of me was saying, “Go and make friends! Sleep is for the weak!!”. Another part of me was saying, “Screw everyone. Sleep is the fuel a person needs to gain energy. Just sleep and socialize another day”.

I kid you not, for a minute there, I was about to just pass out and give up on the world. Instead… I chose to go to this meet and greet event. I willed myself out of bed thinking I’d walk into something life-changing or whatever.

I should’ve stayed in bed

The minute I got to Eden Restaurant, I regretted my decision. Everyone had gotten there earlier and it felt as if there wasn’t really a place to fit in or a chance to mingle with new people. But it wasn’t even the lack of chances to meet people that frustrated me, it was the lack of brunch food choices. Since I arrived late half of the food was gone so I had to settle for a singular tiny crescent that had grown a bit stale. You have no idea how badly I wanted to be at HASBROOK (of all places). I had this huge epiphany and was so tempted to just go to a corner and cry; I didn’t realize how many things I took for granted about SUNY New Paltz.

But in the words of my Abuela, “How is crying going to solve anything?”. So I swallowed my stale croissant and tried to be friendly with the people around me. Luckily, I was rescued from feeling out of place with the opportunity to go into town and shop. I hopped on a bus that took me straight to a shopping complex and went looking for the things I needed. I bought all the necessities… and…

A bottle of Angry Orchards to get me through the rest of the day

Trust me when I tell you that is the one decision I made that day that I will never regret. Opening that bottle and sipping on it while watching “The Big Bang Theory” was one of the happiest moments I had in Limerick.

Call it self-medicating; Call it destruction; Call it temporary happiness; Call it my “Irish Blood”; Call it a one-woman welcome party; Call it what you may… One thing I am sure it wasn’t was a mistake.

It made me feel like I was back at home and it made me forget about the terrible weather happening right outside my window. It took away some of the home-sickness and within seconds I was waking up to a new day.

And that new day was a lot better than the one before. It was still freezing outside but something inside of me felt a warmth.

I knew the road ahead would be tough but I was 100% positive that I’d survive it and come out stronger.

Are you ready to see what comes next?

Then you’ll have to wait til next week’s chapter of “The Land of Ice Chronicles”

The Land of Ice Chronicles: Boarding the plane

“Today’s the big day! Today begins the journey to find truth through intense connection!”, I kept telling myself on the way to JFK airport. I was going to be in Limerick in just a few moments and I couldn’t be more excited. I was all packed and clenching my mom’s hand as we walked to get my boarding passes. I knew I was going to miss her like hell but I also knew that I was going on my very first journey to adulthood; I felt brave and confident to embark on this new journey. Despite studying abroad last summer, I’d never really done something like this before…

My mom came with me to Korea and stayed for a week so I guess in a way she might have been the reason I adjusted so quickly to the time difference. I also had tons of friends waiting for me in the land of miracles so I guess I was never really ALONE.

The thought of that made me feel liberated in a way. It meant that I would have all these adult responsibilities and have to manage them all on my own; it’s like a trial run for when I graduate and have to start doing all that stuff for real. I wasn’t scared at all and I had faith that I would make friends in Ireland and that it all would turn out okay.

So with my boarding passes in hand, I clenched my first and said: “Let’s do this”. I said goodbye to my family and got ready to step on the line to go through security check.

And that’s when it happened… EVERYTHING TURNED TO CRAP IN 0.4 SECONDS! My flight was DELAYED, which meant the connected flight was DELAYED which meant I had to stay in BOSTON for a DAY AND A HALF by myself to wait for the next one which WON’T GET ME THERE IN TIME TO GET PICKED UP or by THE GOD DAMN TIME I NEED TO BE THERE. 

What would you do if you were in my situation? Have a panic attack? Yeah, me too. I called the company I booked through, argued with airlines, cried, yelled, the whole nine yards. Thankfully my family was still there to help but that wasn’t changing the fact that I was so intensely screwed. It was at that moment I just wanted to go back home, take a semester off altogether, and just wallow in self-pity in the place I know best (NYC). But.. that clearly was NOT an option. The best option was the one the airline thought of, and it wasn’t even that great.

They put me on a direct flight to Dublin, which meant I would get where I needed to go in time… as long as I took a 4-hour ride on a bus from that airport to the University. It was an annoyance. On the bright side, however, I wasn’t the only incoming UL student that got screwed. I bonded a bit with Rachel as we sat next to each other on the plane and bus. Even though, something inside me had shifted. I wasn’t feeling that feeling that I felt before the whole delay debacle began. I felt defeated, I felt like I was on the wrong path. Needless to say, I felt like I wanted to stay home. My whole entire outlook was destroyed and I think it corrupted the beginning of my journey in Limerick.

But, as I would later learn…Experiences aren’t always meant to be amazing things that leave your heart full of joy. Experiences are meant to help you improve and grow as a person.

And that’s exactly what happened as I studied abroad in Limerick, Ireland. 

Ready to see how Ireland changed me?

Well you’ll have to wait until next week’s chapter of “The Land of Ice Chronicles”

The Land Of Ice Chronicles: Preparing to leave home

My journey to Limerick was just a week away and I was feeling a plethora of different emotions. I was excited and terrified all at the same time. I had studied abroad before and I absolutely loved it but I was unsure that I would feel the same about this country.

Ya see, I studied abroad in South Korea over the summer. That was a magnificent experience; I fell in love with everything the minute I got there and I absolutely had no problem adjusting to all the differences. It was like I was meant to be there. It was like I had found the missing piece I was constantly searching for; I’d found my home. That being said, leaving had me depressed for quite some time. It took a while to readjust to NYC but once I did, it was like I had this newfound appreciation for it. Yet, I also had this urge to explore everything else the world has to offer. I wanted to travel more and the effects of one study abroad trip were so grand, I yearned for more. I wondered if I could feel an even deeper connection in a country where my ancestors have actually been. And, on a whim, I chose to go to Limerick, Ireland and test that theory.

You can see why this would cause me to feel the plethora of emotions that I did. I mean I was building up the experience in my head thinking it would the most amazing experience I would ever have. I was thinking it would beat out Korea for the best trip ever. I was thinking I would have the time of my life and meet the love of my life. I was thinking I’d never want to leave Limerick and that I’d have this strong attachment to the country where magic, wonder, and little mythical leprechauns lurk around.

I was wrong; I was so wrong. 

Curious to see what I mean?

Find out in the next chapter of “The Land of the Ice Chronicles”

Traveling Anywhere and Everywhere

So far I have been in England a month and have gone to many places. I have been into Central London 7 times seeing a bunch of different tourist destinations and museums. I have been to Westminster Abbey, the British Museum, the National Gallery, took a tour of Buckingham Palace and took a tour of the famous Shakespeare’s Globe Theatre. I have seen the London Eye, Big Ben/Parliament, Trafalgar Square, Piccadilly Circus, Leister Square, and explored the South side of the River Thames. I have taken every chance I have to go into Central London. Central London is like New York City, but it is also completely different. Everyone is a tourist there so you don’t feel weird or feel like you are bothering anyone by stopping to take pictures. Everyone is very nice as well! I have had to asked directions or questions to the police or workers of the tube. If you ask nicely they will be nice to you. Also, travel where you want to go! It’s okay to go see things by yourself. I have seen many things by myself because my friends aren’t interested in seeing it or our schedules clash.
I have also gotten to go out of the UK once. This past weekend I went with a tour group to Ireland. It was a lot of fun! If there are tour groups that your school supports then I would highly suggest that you go! I saw so much more than I would have on my own. I saw small things that most people just pass by. I wish the trip was a little longer, but there is only so much you can do while classes are in session. I highly recommend traveling as much as possible because it is very cheap once you are in Europe to get to a different country.

Euro-Trip

After exploring four different countries in just twelve days, I can say without a doubt that traveling around Europe is an incredible experience, but also an expensive one. It isn’t the flights or the hostels that run up the bill, but rather it is the day-to-day expenses of attempting to see as much as possible when being a tourist in some of the most amazing cities in the entire world. The four stops I made on this trip were London, Paris, Dublin, and Berlin, with the latter two cities not being overwhelmingly pricey, but the first two cities making NYC seem cheap. However, expenses aside, each city presented a much different culture, atmosphere, and experience that I won’t soon forget.

Dublin: My first stop had a little bit of a different feel from the other cities I visited, mainly because I stayed with a good friend of mine from UC3M at his parents house, rather than a youth hostel. Exploring a new city with someone born and raised in the area and who knows the culture well allowed me to see the city more from a resident’s point of view rather than a tourist’s, which I personally think is better. The Irish are warm, welcoming, and love to have a good time (the Guinness is amazing).

London: The second stop on my trip had a much more touristy vibe to it and it’s hard not to in a city as grand as this. Similarly to NYC, it is so big and there is so much to see, but at times it almost felt like everything was just one giant rip off. Dealing with the conversion rate of the pound while also dealing with inflated prices is definitely a hard thing for a college student on a budget to handle. Other than the damage done to my wallet, London was definitely a city that I enjoyed and that I plan on returning to (I also find the slang there to be quite comical).

Berlin: The third stop on my trip seemed like one very long and very dark history lesson. Man, does this city have a lot of baggage to it when it comes to the 20th century. From WWI/WWII to the Berlin Wall, it was quite interesting to see how all of these events were linked and how bad humanity can be in desperate times. In addition to the history, the nightlife in Berlin is also second to none, I’ve never seen people party quite like the Germans do (even though it was freezing).

Paris: Similarly to my stay in Dublin, the final stop on my trip I was with a good friend of mine from New Paltz and crashed at his apartment… and similarly to London, this city didn’t treat my wallet too nicely either. I’d have to say that Paris is the most beautiful city I have ever been to thus far in my life and it was the closest to Spain in that the majority of people didn’t speak English, whereas in the other cities I visited, everybody spoke it perfectly. Going to the Eiffel Tower and the Louvre were unforgettable experiences and this is definitely a city that I would love to come back to in the not so distant future.

Now I am finally back home in Madrid, where I have a little over a week left to enjoy living in this amazing city before returning back to NYC!