The Land of Ice Chronicles: A little piece of home

April 28, 2018
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Europe Ireland
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I am aware that you are excited to see how I reached the state of enlightenment that I am now at. First, however, you need to know what happened just right before I reached my lowest point.

It was the beginning of Spring Break and my mom was flying in tomorrow morning. I was so excited I could barely sleep. On top of that, I mustered up enough of my courage to go to a meetup group that said a party was going on that night. You know me; I love parties so I was expecting a huge turn-out and a bunch of hotties to flirt with. Yet, the people that went to the meetup were not at all hotties. Everyone at this meetup was in their late 30s/early 40s. I legit wanted to cry; again the country had let me down. Not only that but because I was expecting to meet GUYS MY AGE, my outfit was showing my goodies. You know what that means, right?

Throughout the entire meetup, I burned to death in my thick ass coat.

The night was a nightmare; even the club we went to afterward was playing crappy music. I just kept looking up at the sky like “WHY ME?! I HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG”. When I got back home, I just kept thinking about how my mom was coming. She always has a positive outlook on life so perhaps she’d help me shift my mindset back to a positive state. When she arrived I wrapped my arms around her tighter than I ever had before. I missed my mom so much; she was my best friend who I loved hanging out with. That same day we walked all the way to the movies and explored Limerick. I’d been to all the places we went already but everything seemed brighter. It was like my mom was a vessel for the sunlight I was in deep need of. I swear, I have never smiled so much since I’d come to Ireland. I was truly happy for the first time in months and I really didn’t want it to end…

Hence.. when it was coming to an end, I could feel myself slipping back into a depression. I felt like my only source of sunlight was leaving me and that all hope was gone. And that’s when it started; I couldn’t sleep. I’d wake up every hour because I felt this intense pain in my teeth and jaw. I felt like I was being stabbed repeatedly on the left side of my face and I couldn’t take it. I called my mom in tears yelling that I wanted to go back home. The pain was that unbearable. I even talked to all the professors here to see about leaving early. I was ready to get my ass back where the sun shines. But it turned out, that process would still take time. If I wanted to go home early, I probably couldn’t for another week until everything was sorted out. I just wanted to cry even more; I could not take another week in this hell-hole without my mom. I just wanted to be back home where everything is familiar and comfortable.

In the meantime, however, I went to the medical Centre to get myself checked out. He said he thought I might’ve popped a muscle in my jaw so he prescribed me anti-inflammatories. The hope was that doc was right and that I’d get better and make it through the rest of the semester. But the pain was so bad sometimes, I felt like I needed to be rushed to an emergency room.

That’s when I started looking for anything that could help temporarily kill my pain. Fortunately enough, I came across a meditation video that ended up changing my life. A meditation video that would finally make me into the bright joyful being I once was.

But you’ll hear about that next time…

Keep Reading “The Land of Ice Chronicles”

The Land of Ice Chronicles: Adjustment 101 [Week 1]

April 17, 2018
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Europe Ireland
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“Rise and Shine”, my alarm seemed to yelp at the top of its lungs at 7am on a Monday morning.

I smiled as I woke up; it was the first day of Orientation.

For some odd reason, I was excited for Orientation week. It was fun in South Korea and it was a blast when I was a freshman in New Paltz so I had high expectations. I put on a ton of makeup, put on my cutest outfit and even wore my tiara. I was convinced that today was going to be an amazing day and I wanted to feel like a queen while I experienced it.

I walked into the auditorium where all the orientation stuff was happening and was able to talk to people more easily this time than when I was at Eden the day before. I made a few friends and then we were all off to get our Student IDs and going on a tour of the school. Our tour guide was Edward and he was a literal ball of energy; he called me Princess the entire day (which I admit made me feel like royalty). However, there is one thing he said at some point that harshed my mood just a bit that day. We were all talking about reasons we decided to come here and when it was my turn, I told my truth “I’m 25% Irish so I wanted to see what I was missing”. Before I could finish my sentence Ed cut me off and said:

“Hah- Americans always going around saying things like I’m 3% Polish, 0.001%Irish, 4%African…”

That response caught me off-guard and I admit that, at the moment, I wanted to roundhouse kick Edward in the face. It enraged me so much; that was so uncalled for. It made me feel so unwelcome in the country I was in. Even though I let it all slide after it happened, I think that it was that moment that kept me in a negative mindset for most of my semester here at UL. On the low-key, I couldn’t stop thinking about that one moment. It always seemed to remind me of the untrue thought I had; “I don’t belong here. Coming here was a mistake”. And then I would make it worse for myself by comparing the journey I was having here to the one I had in South Korea. I’d tell myself things like “if we were only in Korea we’d be happy”. The fact is that in Korea, I’d say things like “I think my spirit is Korean” and Koreans would just smile, laugh, hug me, and invite to go to places with them. Yet, here, a country where I have an actual ancestral history with wasn’t accepting me as being a part of it?

I know. I know. I was being 100% overdramatic is what I was being. The truth is that happiness shouldn’t be placed on anything external. It should always be something that is within you. After all, happiness is an emotion and we are the people that control when and why we feel or don’t feel it. This is a lesson that I wouldn’t learn until months after my first week in Ireland.

But before we get to my moment of enlightenment, let me tell you about my journey of getting there. So after the tour, we all went out for a beer which was pretty great. That’s one thing I love about this campus; there’s a bar on it. A bar that doubles as a nightclub. So you could imagine my excitement for the International Students Party. And I’m not gonna lie, when I look back at the first Stables Friday Party, I like to think it was pretty amazing.

Why was it so amazing?

Continue reading “The land of Ice Chronicles” and you’ll find out!

Oh Wait I’m Here For School

February 25, 2015
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Europe Italy
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Most beautiful college campus!

Sometimes I really have to remind myself that I am here for school. When you are jetting from place to place, eating the greatest food of your life, and living on your own it is very easy to forget that at the end of the day I am a student in this country. However, I was very pleased with the gradual submersion into school at Cattolica. I came to Milan a few weeks before classes started in order to take a pre-intensive Italian class.

My Italian pre-intensive class

Referring to this Italian class as a pre-intensive is highly accurate. I have never taken any type of pre-intensive course, and the truth is it is quite intense to say the least. The class is two weeks for three credits. I am not one to have a great aptitude for languages but despite some initial resistance I went into the course as open minded as possible.

This class really did help me so much, I feel as though I have such a better grasp for the Italian language after this course. Of course I am not fluent by any means however, I think more than anything I just feel a little more confident in my own abilities. The trick is you must be willing to make mistakes. This class could not have been any more openminded, and non judgmental. Our professor, Andrea was just the cherry on top of the sundae! I really felt as though we worked together to complete this course as one. In no way shape or form was this easy for me. This course meant waking up everyday early for hours of Italian. I would be lying though if I said I regretted taking this course, I am very pleased with my decision.

Our Italian professor, Andrea, slicing an AMAZING cake his wife made for us

Fellow classmate MK and I enjoying our cake

The pre-intensive course just ended Friday, and we started real classes Monday. That was a strange transition. We went from studying a lot, taking a final exam on a Friday, to starting over on Monday. I am very pleased with how my schedule worked out. This being my last semester, I really had the free rein to take anything at my heart’s content. I am focusing on my passions for the media. My classes include: Dramaturgy, Methods of Illusion, and Television, Advertising, Music. Dramaturgy, and Methods of Illusion are being taught with the same professor, and a lot of my fellow classmates are taking both courses. These professors seem so accomplished; I look forward to learning from them. There are also many field trips & guest lectures planned for these courses, which I am beyond excited for. My earliest class is 11:30 and I have no classes on Friday, so I cannot complain about that either. The classes are long, but full of interesting content. I am just looking forward to all this semester has to offer!