Where am I, really?
My transition back home was a LOT smoother than I thought it’d be. Especially because they kept telling us how strange it would feel. But for me, it was like I never left. Sure, getting off the plane and being in New York was surreal, I felt numb the first night and the first day I said “sí” to the waiter in the Asian restaurant when everyone around me was speaking English – but I was home.
Although there was catching up to do – some friends had broken up with their boyfriends while others were pursuing new ones and there were new music crazes such as the “Nay-nay” (still gotta look that one up) – I already knew my town, my friends and my family. Everything was pretty much as I had left it.
Then why do I feel like I’m floating in limbo?
Ecuador seems like somebody else’s dream within a dream and I was inception.
Unloading yet another suitcase has made my lifestyle seem pretty temporary. The four months I spent living out of luggage in Ecuador is the same amount of time I will be spending at home before finishing my last year of college. It almost doesn’t feel worth it to unpack. By the time I get used to it here I’ll be back at New Paltz again and I can’t believe it’s my last summer home before facing “the real world”, that ominous or luminous place that we all end up in – depending on how you look at it.
I am scared.
I am scared because I don’t know if I am strong enough or adult enough to make it out there. I am scared for my bank account because lately it has been running extremely low. And I am scared for my career, because everyone knows how difficult it is for a musician to actually make money from work (there are jokes out there for a reason!)
But hey, I did say I was gonna try the whole “starving-artist” thing, right?