China and The Track – written 10/8/09

Scene 2: a rice paddy somewhere in the middle of rural china. Many Chinese people are about, hunched over in their field work.

In steps a smiling American man in a suit and brimmed hat – 1950’s style.

American guy (AG): Jeepers! What a swell place *big grin*, but you know I can’t help but feel its missing something *scratches his head in an exaggerated way*. I know *lifts an affirming finger in revelation* –

Local Villager: who are you and what are you doing on my land? –

AG: You need a little *star wipe* Modernization (TM) !!

Star wipe knocks over the villager

Village turns into a city, and everybody suddenly looks very trendy.

AG: There you go all better now. You have all the great things that we have in the good old US of A. Western Medicine, Infrastucture, and go ahead and burn a little coal while you’re at it. *wink* we had our turn at it once too.

Just for good measure we gave you your own track so you can keep in top shape for a long healthy modern lifestyle.

Well my work is done here!

Puts hands on hips and looks contentedly into the distance.

KAPOW!! *disappears in a puff of smoke that makes everyone cough*

Scene 2: Everybody has adjusted quite nicely, and is getting along in their daily business, but a little less hunched over this time.

AG: *in a flash of smoke* KABLAM! I have returned. *with a look of total satisfaction on his face*

*goes up to a stranger* So how are things getting along here since we added patented Modernization (TM) to your country.

Local Chinese man (LCM): Oh yeah, you. *rolls eyes a little* Well, you gave us a real shock the first time, but yeah, we’re doing just fine. We especially love the track. It seems a regular past time around here.

AG: Super duper! Well you must have some real titans of fitness by now.

LCM: uh..what do you mean?

AG: Well gosh. You must have some pretty fast runners around here. Endurance or dash, you must be in real tip top shape, yes, sir.

LCM: Well some of us are going there now. Why don’t you come along and join us.

They go to the track together. The American guy is now in short shorts and ready for a brisk run. He warms up by doing some stretches and pumping his legs a little. By the look of his build he does this a lot.

AM: Alright, let’s do this. I’m ready for a bit of a race.

LCM: okay we can do that.

They start off at a sprint, the American guy is very excited, then all the Chinese people stop at the end of the straight and start flailing their arms and walking backwards in strange ways.

AM: *stops his jog and runs in place near his friends* What are you doing fellas? Hey, why are you slapping yourself in the torso, doesn’t that hurt? Maybe you want to face the other way while your walking. And hey buddy why are you moving like your swimming? We’re not in a pool we’re on land.

LCM: Good for the health. *smiles a little and goes back to flailing his arms strangley* Want a cigarette while we’re here.

AM: Umm…gosh! Did I miss something? Wait why is she wearing high heels on the track? Maybe she should put down that handbag and change out of that miniskirt. – Wait! Is everybody here smoking? I thought we were running.

LCM: we did run. 10 seconds as planned. Now we flail – and smoke. Isn’t that what we’re here for?

AM: *big smile* Well, I’m sure confused! *claps his hand and tries to poof out again, but just walks out of the smoke cloud dejected and slouched over*

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All based on real events (aside from the star wipes and clouds of smoke, but yes everybody smokes…everywhere). I don’t think Chinese people have figured out the concept of exercise yet. They just do tai chi and socialize while they walk. Makes it very hard to exercise…
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Hey, everybody! My names Liam, and right now I’m living a dream that I didn’t think would come true. I am living in China, studying at Nanjing University for a full ten months. Don’t ask me why I wanted it so badly, I’ve just always been drawn to the culture. Europe sounded too comfortable to me, and there are so many chances for growth and adventure in this country. As for me I like finding a good adventure outside of the mainstream, having a challenge, and reading a few books (at once) when I get the free time.

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