Shamanic Sweat Lodge

Last Sunday I went to a sweat lodge with a group of friends.  Earlier in the year, my friend introduced me to a shaman, and ever since, I have been a frequent visitor.

We all met near San Blas on Sunday morning.  Kush came down to meet us and drive us up to his house.  Seven of us piled into the back of his white jeep and began the bumpy trek up the winding mountain– the houses growing more and more distant as we made our ascent.

None of my friends have ever met Kush before or gone to his house, so they weren’t sure what to expect.  I didn’t know what to expect either since I had never been to a sweat lodge.  When we arrived, Kush’s helpers were stoking the fire and setting up a canopy outside with a table underneath for lunch after the ceremony.

The actual structure in which we were going to sit was a circular stone bench, low to the ground and big enough to fit around 25 people.  The wall was about 3 feet tall.  Blankets and tarps strapped across the top, eliminating any chance for light or air to filter in.  I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to breathe at all inside.  When the stones were ready, we began the ceremony.  We lined up outside of the lodge, and Allen, Kush’s apprentice, was smudging with smoke.  He then told us that if we wished to connect with the energy of the Cosmos, to walk in a circle counter-clockwise, and if we wished to connect with the energy of the Earth, we could walk in a circle clockwise.

Most of us walked clockwise and ended the walk with a crawl into the darkness of our hibernation.  We filled up every empty space inside, and Kush brought in his 1 and 1/2 year old daughter–Cusi ( which means joy in Quechua).

In the center of the circle, there was a pit to hold stones that were going to be brought in from the fire outside.  The stones (known as abuelos or grandfathers) were brought in four groups of seven to honor each of the four cardinal directions.  Each group was brought in and handled with the antlers of some type of deer.  When the first group was brought in, Kush poured water over them, releasing steam over all of us.  Our breathing simultaneously grew louder.  We all had instruments and listened to the drumming of whoever wanted to play.  This was a space of opening and sharing, of being the primal human outside of the world of time and structure.  Everything inside was pitch black so insecurities could be shed with relief and without hesitation.

Tears started streaming and rolling.  Screams were let out–healing began.  We all recognized this as a safe space to let go of all the judgment and self-doubt we’ve been taught to accept since we were young.  Any vocal crescendo was contagious.  Pretty soon we were all howling like wolves in the night–releasing any past conditioning we were ready to let go of.

When the last group was brought in (after about 2 hours),  I knew that this was the last round I could stand to take.  My eyes were like jelly at this point.  I had to surrender into everything my body was feeling.

Kush shouted “Puerta!” for the fourth and final time.  Allen opened the blanket covering the door, as I crawled out I was met by his smiling face in the open air.   I said to him, “I feel like I’ve just emerged from the womb.”  He laughed and said, “I think that’s the point.”

I immediately crawled over to Lolo, the dog, and laid next to him and stared up at the muffled gray sky, listening to the stubborn thunder in the distance.  A light rain started to drizzle, and after everyone was out, we all gathered around a huge bucket of water and dowsed ourselves with it.  We then slowly moved inside to eat a delicious meal cooked for us by Kush’s family and friends.

The sweat lodge offered us a chance to realize a connection to our animal side–a connection to the place in ourselves that existed before we were ever told we weren’t good enough. That raw, creative, uninhibited energy.  And that energy still exists in all of us, but some are numbed by the constant repetition of  expectations of how one should act, how one should think, and so many more soul-depriving restrictions.

Those seeking redemption will find it.  It can be found anywhere–a sweat lodge in the Cusco Valley of Peru, the mountains of Montana, or the lakes of New York.  Healing is afforded to anyone willing to sit a little more quietly and breathe a little more deeply.

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Hablando con confianza

When I got to the airport in New York City, no one spoke English.  I didn’t know anything anyone was saying, but there was a certain consolation in not knowing.  No unnecessary anxiety or problems were being filtered through my mind.  It was an exciting feeling but also an isolating one.  I still managed to get where I needed to go despite not knowing the language.  Something ironic about language is that it’s usually the context that helps communicate–whatever is behind the language rather than the words themselves.

When I landed at the airport in Cusco, I felt like a celebrity.  There were a lot of people holding signs, yelling names, and pushing each other.  My host mother was screaming and holding a sign with my name on it.  She immediately recognized me and pointed to the gate.  We got into the taxi.  She asked if I knew any Spanish and I said I knew a little.  The cab driver’s smile reflected in the rearview mirror.  The rest of the ride home was silent.

This was over a month ago.  And today, if you asked me how much I know, I would say the same thing.  But I’m not so sure that’s a true statement anymore.

There have been plenty of moments when I have told myself I don’t know enough to hold a conversation– and so I didn’t.  I felt safe if I didn’t try to talk at all, but I also wasn’t learning anything.  I find that the more often I go into a situation thinking that I am going to be open to talking and listening, the more often I actually do well in understanding conversations.

Learning a language is directly related to confidence. If you speak the language–even when you feel like you don’t know how–the worst that can happen is you leave the other person feeling completely confused, but at least you tried, and you probably made them laugh which is always a good thing.  Most often, they will correct you in an attempt to help you.

Two things to remember:

1) Push yourself to speak the language.  Try to use it whenever you can.  I often find myself talking more than I would normally just to see if I can find a new way to speak in Spanish.

2) Learn to be ok with all the words you don’t know, and learn to be ok with silence.  There are going to be moments when you simply just don’t feel like talking, as you would with people who speak the same language, it’s important to remember that if you have the mindset that you need to be talking at all times, you aren’t going to be enjoying yourself, and the conversation won’t flow naturally.

Learning a new language has given me a whole new appreciation for language.  Everywhere I go, there is the opportunity to learn.  I read billboards, advertisements, labels, flyers, and listen to people talk.  I might not have any idea what they are saying, but just hearing the words helps me become familiar with them.

To simplify, it’s really all about taking care with your words and not being too hard on yourself.

Forget what you think you know about changing the world

Today I walked into one of my classes to find a woman I had never seen before standing at the front of the room.  She was talking with my professor, and the level of her voice told me that she had something to say.  Something she wasn’t afraid to say.  Her confidence was apparent within moments of entering the room.  She had the piercing presence that effortlessly attracted the attention of everyone around . . .

When everyone (all six of us) came into the classroom, my professor introduced her as the founder of a project known as “Rainforest Flow.”  We had watched a video about this project the previous class.

Her name is Nancy.  An older woman from Connecticut.  A fashion photographer for L.A. and New York City.  She’s photographed Tyra Banks.  Cameron Diaz.  Anthony Hopkins.

She began talking about how in her late-thirties, after becoming a successful photographer, she wanted something more out of life.  She wanted to search for inner truth.  She came to Peru to find a shaman deep within the rainforest.  Along her journey there, she talked with the local indigenous people.  She asked them what they wanted most in their communities, and the response that was repeated again and again was WATERClean water.  She was inspired to help the indigenous people learn about santiation and hygiene and to help make clean water accessbile to those who asked for help.

She was a very empowering speaker.  She mentioned all of the opposition she faced when creating this organization.  People told her it would fail–that she was crazy for even thinking she could help–she only had a 2-year Art School degree and everyone else around her–the ethnobotanists, the medical anthropologists–all had PH.Ds.

After living in the rainforest for over a week, and being in Peru for three months, she came back to the States and created “The House of Children” and within 45 days it was registered as a non-government organization.

What she said during that hour was only secondary to how she made everyone around me, including myself, feel.

Something inside this woman knows.  Listening to her talk, I feel like the fog has cleared and a mountain has appeared through the mist–the question has revealed itself:

What are you going to do to help the world?

This question always seems so vague and lofty, and really, I don’t think there’s any one wrong answer.  Yes, throwing away your gum wrapper will in some way help the world.  But there is something deeper beyond it–it’s a daunting question.  Our insecurities and feelings of unworthiness rise to the surface.  When we think of it, most of our shoulders cringe and shrivel up–hearts caving inward.  We feel like we have to do a hundred things to make the world a better place.    Me? what am I gonna do to change the world?  How can I possibly help? I’m only one person.  (We like to think that the more we do, the better the world will be.)

Yes, you ARE one person.  Isn’t that beautiful?  Now you can either stop there, and sit with your arms folded and think how you aren’t “good enough” to change the world, how you don’t “know enough”, or maybe you don’t “have enough” to give the world, OR you can decide to walk straight into the fears holding you inside your own guilt.

I personally don’t “know” how I am going to help the world, but I can say, after hearing this woman speak, that something shifted in me today.  My journey to Peru has just reached a new level.  One quote that Nancy said that resonated with me:

“The only sustainable thing we have is human relationship.”

“Trying” to change the world just to “get somewhere” couldn’t be any more egocentric.  Our minds would like things to be the way we think they should be–that is rarely, if ever, the case.  Everything is always changing, and it’s frustrating to know that you may be of little help.  We shouldn’t underestimate the value of an open heart, an open mind, or an open ear.  Listening, feeling, talking, laughing, being in the present moment.  These are just a few things that every person enjoys.  Who doesn’t like to feel like they belong somewhere?  Ultimately for any change to really occur, we have to dissolve and rise above the barriers between ourselves and others that our minds have created out of fear and “individuality”.

We are all scared, lost, and confused in some way or another.  The most valuable thing you can give the world is your openness–your willingness to surrender and come down from the dark castle of your mind and into the warmth of a smile.

 

 

P.S. Here is the link to Nancy’s Project:

http://www.houseofthechildren.org/

 

 

Tambillo Treasures & Peruvian Time

Tambillo

Before I left for Peru, a friend of mine put me in contact with a woman who lives in Cusco.  She is originally from Tampa, but she is 100% Cusqueña :).  She has been a guiding light for me here in Cusco.  She has introduced me to a local Peruvian Tribal Fusion band named “Amaru Pumac Kuntur” (who actually just made it to the finals of Peru Tiene Talento!!!!) which I’ll explain the meaning of later.  She has shown me around Cusco city and has acted as my Spanish/Quechua dictionary.  By knowing her, I am getting deeper into the heart of Cusco more than I ever would in just four months.

Today I went to Tambillo with Lisa for her friend’s birthday party.  It was about a 20-minute taxi ride up the winding mountain road until we came to a long dirt road. Looking down into the valley, the city of Cusco looked like thousands of scattered Monopoly-houses.

The wind and the sun blinded us.

We arrived at the home of Lisa’s friend.  In the back, there was a sweat lodge in the process of construction where everyone was sitting and enjoying food.  A circular stone-structure with remnants of cloth overlaying in a tipi.  There were just a few of us, and I already felt like I was one of the family friends they had known their entire life.

The Peruvian way of life is much more inviting.  Strangers are simply friends you haven’t seen in a while.  It seems like everyone’s got some catching up to do.  No one is made to feel like an outsider here–simply another piece of the puzzle.  Even the neighbor’s dog came over and was welcomed with chicken bones, chomping down until there was nothing left.

Everything is slower here.  I’ve heard talk about being on “Peruvian Time”, and it’s actually true.  Time works in different ways here.  There is no rush to do anything and trying to make plans will just cause you frustration and chaos.  There is an emphasis on enjoying the present moment rather than sticking to the routine schedule.  America–take lessons, please.  There is hardly any rush to do things here, and things still get done.  This has been a total process of surrendering for me.  Having to take public transportation multiple times a day has taught me how to let go of control–there are some things not worth stressing out over, and it’s important to learn how much control of a situation you really have (and you’ll probably find, surprisingly enough to your mind, that it’s not much).

After we left the party, we walked a little way up the path to a place called Amaru Machay.  Amaru means snake in Quechua (the original language/language of the Incas).  In Inca tradition, there are three worlds: Amaru, Pumac, Kuntur.  These are the worlds of the snake, puma, and the condor.  The Snake is the internal, subconscious world.  The Puma represents the world right here before us: kaypacha.  The Condor represents the higher world.

Amaru Machay  is also called Templo de la Luna.  It is a pre-Inca archaeological site.  It is considered to be the womb of Pachamama (mother Earth).  It is carved inside of a rocky hill.   The opening is in the shape of a vulva.  Inside the opening directly to the right, there is a petrified snake and above that there is a carving of a larger snake.  A crack of skylight leaks in from up above and shines onto a flat altar which is big enough to stand on.  We weren’t allowed to wear shoes inside so I was barefoot.  I felt charged standing upon the altar–pathways in my feet opening up and releasing tension.  This is a very sacred place.  Lisa told me stories after we had left (thankfully) of dark magic being performed there.  People have been lured up there and killed.  Decapitated bodies.  Dead children.  I guess there is darkness to every light.  In any event, there was such a palpable spiritual/magical energy to it that is incomparable.

Peru is a mystery I’m not sure I’ll ever get tired of unfolding.

Inside Amaru Machay   Inside Amaru Machay.  Note how the silhouette is in the shape of a llama!!!  What a “coincidence” (not really)

Intuitive Decisions

 

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I have been in Peru for about two weeks.  When I first got to the airport everything seemed so unreal. I felt like all the strings around me had been cut.  I felt as if I had been given a new life.  Some would shy away from traveling because they are afraid to be alone, but from the moment I left my family at the gate in the airport, I had an unusual feeling of confidence.  Sure, I was physically alone because there wasn’t anyone else beside me, but I didn’t feel lonely because I knew I had myself.  And really, being there for yourself is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself.  It’s amazing–the depths you can reach when you know that you can no longer go back–that you have to grow–that you have to experience life.

I chose to study abroad because I knew it would be a life-changing experience.   I wanted to be completely thrown out of my comfort zone and immersed in a different language to prove to myself that I could find my way.  There is only so much growth that can be done in one place.  When you are in a new environment, you start to notice more and more of the world around you, but you also notice your own habits (and maybe even how they aren’t helpful for you anymore).  While venturing into unknown territory with a bag full of habits and fears, it is harder to hold on to them than it is to make a change for the better.  You have to adapt to the world around you.  You have to let go of the way things used to be–the way you think they “should” be.  But that doesn’t mean you lose yourself.  It actually gives you more room for creativity to be yourself.  As you grow aware of the world around you, you grow more aware of yourself.

I wanted my trip abroad to be completely different than anything I was used to before.  I have always wanted to go to South America.  It always seemed like a place of mystery to me.  Something inside of me knew I would visit someday.  When I first started looking at programs, I was open to all of them.  I scanned through lots of study abroad programs all over the world.  Greece.  India.   New Zealand.  None of them felt right for me.  I decided to stop resisting this feeling deep inside of me and began looking at programs in South America.

I have taken one year of Spanish in college, and all of the programs that I saw in South America only offered classes taught in Spanish.  I wasn’t at that level of proficiency yet.  I eventually found one program that offered classes taught in English: Cusco, Peru.

The program that I chose was through IPSL (International Partnership for Service-Learning).  Part of the program involves living with a Peruvian family, and another part involves service-learning projects within the community.  I knew both of these would help me (or anyone) learn more about the culture and language.

During my time in Peru, I hope to learn to speak Spanish, to visit ancient ruins, and to visit the Rainforest!!  I’m sure I’ll be adding more to this list as time progresses.

So I guess to end this post, I’d just like to encourage anyone who has a dream that seems so unattainable to never give up hope.  Keep going, keep working toward it.  Things don’t happen instantly, but eventually they DO happen.  They take time, but that doesn’t mean you have to sit around waiting for “someday”.

Creating dreams and watching them turn into reality is what life is about.

Someday is everyday.

 

 

 

 

London

So let me catch up on the past month that I’ve been here.

Arriving in the UK was really exciting and overwhelming. I wanted to explore immediately. To meet people and see new places. I spent my first couple days tired and jet-lagged while attempting to experience everything. A word of advice: don’t do too much too fast. You have 5 whole months to explore! If you don’t slow down, you might end up sick and in the hospital waiting room in the first week like me.

Besides feeling terribly ill for my first week, the UK has been great! I’ve had a lot of opportunities to visit different cities and see all the sights. So far I’ve been to Windsor, Canterbury, Oxford, and all around central London. I’m taking a class called British Life and Culture which had given me a lot of great opportunities to meet other international students and go on some really interesting tours.

I’m really glad that I chose to study at Kingston. It’s really fast and easy to get to central London. London is a great city if you’re interested in fashion, music, art, sports, food; anything really. Camden market is great for shopping on a nice warm day, there are so many people just playing music on the streets, many of the museums like the Tate Modern are free or discounted for students, and walking along the Thames there’s tons of cafes and street vendors selling great food.

Attached are pictures from Central London. Pictures and details from my other trips to be posted soon!

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Me by the Tower Bridge

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skate spot along the Thames River

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Carousel by the London Eye

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Street Performers

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St. Paul’s Catherdral

Un-Happy Holidays!

So the past week has possibly been one of the biggest nightmares for those of us studying abroad.  The few inches of snow that has surfaced in the past couple days, although seemingly nothing to those of us from the States, has resulted in a Holiday Season Fiasco!

Starting with Saturday, Dec. 18th, the overly anticipated  arrival date of my family in London turned into a disappointed night alone in the amazing flat my mom rented in Kensington for our family’s holiday :/.  I arrived early at the flat on Saturday so that I could stock the fridge with groceries for when my family arrived that night.  However, a phone call saying that their flight had been canceled from Washington crushed my hopes;  Heathrow Airport completely shutdown!!!  I spent that night weather-watching and taking numerous phone calls from my mom with updates of their travel agenda.  My poor family had to rebook their entire flight for Sunday night and then spent the remainder of their time in a hotel Washington.

Sunday was spent preparing for their arrival and hanging with a few friends around the Kensington and Notting Hill area, my cheerful mood was deterred when I got the news that United Airlines canceled their rebooked flight and was told them they would most likely be unable to fly out until Thursday night arriving on Friday, Christmas Eve morning.  A fantastic family holiday spent in London came to a crashing halt!  Monday afternoon my mom told me that the whole trip was off and explained the difficulties not only in trying to arrive in Heathrow, but also the fact that a 12 day long trip spent site-seeing, touring museums, going to shows on the West End, and dining out  was now diminished to less than 6 days, 3 of which fall over the holiday weekend :/

As of yesterday, I have been informed of my family’s inability to come visit and also booked a flight last minute home on Christmas Eve.  What will probably be the most hectic and exhausting travel experience ever, I have to fly Friday morning from Heathrow Airport to Dublin.  Then after switching planes I have to then fly from Dublin to Boston, to then have my my mom and sister pick me up to drive 5 hrs. back to Syracuse, NY.  If all goes as planned I have my fingers crossed in the hopes that I will be with my family come Christmas Eve.  I know that many of my friends and fellow abroad students have had great difficulty trying to return home, there have been numerous delays and cancelations of over the past 3 days and all anyone wishes is that we make it home in time for Christmas!

Recap of November…

I think that I literally have lost track of time this past month.  My inability to keep up with each week has been a gift and a curse all at once.  Time has been passing me by so quickly because for the past month I have been on a whirlwind of adventures.  However, I have also failed to realize that my time here in the UK is also coming to a quick end 🙁

So taking it back to the beginning of November, on Thursday, November 11th, myself and three of my friends ventured off to Leicester Square in London (the cinema and entertainment centre of the capital) and stood outside in the cold amongst thousands of people for the Harry Potter & The Deathly Hollows Premiere.  It was an amazing experience just to be in the presence of so many dedicated fans, although we could only really see most of the event from the big screen tv’s they had overhead.  Nonetheless I got to see the red carpet and was super excited because it was the first premiere I have ever been to, and what’s cooler than going to the Harry Potter Premiere in London?


the premiere was inside the doors by the flaming fire...

The next day, on Friday, my British Life & Culture class went on a really cool field trip to Shakespeare’s Globe Theatre & to Parliament.  I personally loved the tour of the Globe Theatre because our guide was charismatic, outgoing, and a very good actress if I do say so myself 🙂  The most interesting thing I learned on the tour was about the reconstruction of the Globe.  The original Globe was built in 1599 built by Shakespeare & his playing company the ‘Lord’s Chamberlain’s Men’.  The modern reconstruction of the Globe Theatre, named “Shakespeare’s Globe,” opened in 1997 and was founded by the actor and director Sam Wanamaker.  Wanamaker built the site approximately 230 meters from the site of the original theatre that had been destroyed by a fire in 1613.

So this year was my first time experiencing Thanksgiving away from my family.  For most of my friends I have made while studying abroad, it was our first time being away from home for the holiday…and due to our sadness of not being able to participate in the festivities in America, we decided to make our own version of Thanksgiving the Tuesday before the actual holiday!  A big group of us students, about 19 in total, all gathered at my friend Sven’s apartment in Central London and made a grand feast!!!  Each of us made a dish that is a tradition in our household and shared in the good times of laughter, wine, football matches, and DELICIOUS food!!!  What made this occasion even more special was the fact that we invited our friends studying abroad from Hong Kong, China, along with several of Sven’s friends that were from Australia & Sweden.  It was the most diverse Thanksgiving I have ever shared in meeting other students that were Indian, Pakistani, and of course us Americans!!!  It was extremely fun to expose our newfound friends to the traditional feast that we partake in every year!  I’m pretty sure they all loved it just as much as we do =]

sven's delicious homemade fried chicken!

look at that beautiful bird 🙂

boiling the shrimp

table full of food!

not even all of the food i ate that night is on my plate...lol

some of the gang!

On Thursday, Thanksgiving night, myself, fellow New Paltz students Elexis Goldberg and Mike Dauernheim, and our friend Sarah from Michigan all camped out at Stansted Airport awaiting a 6:20 am flight to Cork, Ireland.  We had a delicious second Thanksgiving meal beforehand put together by the lovely abroad staff at Kingston.  This was another dinner that involved bringing a favorite dish to pass around with your table so we all contributed in preparation for the meal.  Right after we ate, we took the train to Central London, hopped on a bus, and then travelled 2 hrs. to the airport.

We spent the night in Cork and on Saturday morning we went to the Blarney Castle; the castle originally dates from before AD 1200, where a wooden structure was believed to have been built on the site.  Although no evidence remains of this, it was replaced by a stone fortification in about 1210 A.D.  It was destroyed in 1446, but wasy rebuilt by Cormac Laidir MacCarthy, Lord of Muscry.  The castle is now a partial ruin with some accessible rooms and at the top of the castle lies the Stone of Eloquence, better known as the Blarney Stone.  It is tradition while visiting the Blarney Stone to hang upside down over a sheer drop to kiss the stone, which is supposed to give the gift of eloquence.

Blarney Castle

the stone structure from inside...

view from the top

kissing the blarney stone :-*

the crew at the top of the castle: right after we each kissed the blarney stone!

Saturday night we took the train from Cork to Dublin to spend the remainder of our weekend adventure celebrating my 21st birthday!!!  We arrived at our hostel that was literally in the heart of Dublin; Christ Church Cathedral was next to it, we could walk right onto Trinity College campus, and St. Patrick’s Cathedral was also a hop, skip, and a jump away from where we stayed.  We dropped off our bags and then met up with Mike’s friend Connor who is studying in Limerick , Ireland for my first experience going on a ‘pub crawl.’  That night we went to several different pubs around the city meeting interesting people from all over.  We met a group of German students in one of the pubs and they sang me ‘happy birthday!’  The best part of the whole night was when it started snowing at exactly midnight on my birthday 🙂  We ran outside of the pub to take pictures and had a big snow fight in the streets of Dublin.  According to weather reports: with extremely low temperatures, that particular night was recorded as the coldest night in Dublin!!!

|Dublin, Ireland| November 28th, 2010| --It started snowing at approx. midnight on my 21st birthday. With extremely low temperatures, this particular night has been recorded as the coldest night in Dublin!! But with some great friends by my side...I barely felt the cold or the snow. ♥

The rest my fabulous birthday weekend was spent touring the Jameson Distillery & Guinness Factory.  Sunday we went to the Jameson Distillery and had guided tour of the company where the magic of Irish Whiskey is made!  The company was established in 1780 when John Jameson established the Bow Street Distillery in Dublin.  With annual sales of over 31 million bottles, Jameson is by far the best selling Irish Whiskey in the world, as it has been internationally since the early 19th century when John Jameson along with his son (also named John) was producing more than a million gallons annually.

I was nominated for testing out whiskey shots from Scotland, America...& of course Ireland! my friends made me volunteer for the spirit of my 21st birthday!!!

my certificate/diploma for volunteering

At the Guinness Factory on Monday, we did a self-guided tour of the company which was amazingly cool.  It was a lot of fun to venture out on the tour ourselves because it is 5 floors of straight informational galleries and machinery.  Guinness, the dry stout that originated in the brewery of Arthur Guinness in Jame’s Gate, Dublin, is one of the most successful beer brands in the world.  A distinctive feature is the burnt flavour which is derived from the use of roasted unmalted barely.  We actually got to taste test the barely before it was brewed and also sampled a free pint of Guinness’s after our tour was over.  One interesting fact I learned about Guinness is that the reason there is a thick creamy surface at the top is because the beer is mixed with nitrogen when being poured.  It is popular with the Irish both in Ireland and abroad and it should come as no surprise that it is the best selling alcoholic drink in all of Ireland where the Guinness Company makes almost 2 billion annually!!!

Sarah & I before heading inside the factory

Sarah & Lex tasting that good ol' barley!

the view from the top of the factory in the Gravity Bar where we got our free pint of guinness!

Mike & Lex drinking their beers!

Sarah's beer-stache!

good ol' taste of that Guinness...

overlooking Dublin...

the crew in the Gravity Bar 🙂

What?

I feel more and more like I’ve been unintentionally mentally preparing myself to come back home. I’ve dealt with a lot of change in my life, especially moving, and maybe now that I’m older and self-aware enough to notice my actions, I’m starting to see how I’ve sort of created a defense mechanism to stop myself from getting fully attached to a place. I don’t know if this is good or bad. I guess maybe it’s both.

I’ve been thinking a lot about what classes I’m going to be taking in the spring and where I’m going to be living. Of course, these are necessary things to think about unless I want to be classless and homeless, but I think I’ve been getting myself more excited about them than I normally would. I need something major to look forward to to soften the blow of leaving a place I feel like I just got to, but have quickly come to feel at home in.

It’s also hard to think about coming home because I still have so much left to do here. It’s sort of like I don’t know what frame of mind to be in right now. Should I be thinking about leaving? I don’t really want to, but maybe I can stop myself from feeling completely shocked on the day I wake up in Huddersfield and go to sleep in Brooklyn.