There’s a false sense of security you have when you leave for 6 months. You purpose this idea that the live’s of those back home remain the same, stop, and plateau. It’s a safety blanket that keeps you from thinking about the potentiality of you missing out on something. But of course, you’re abroad and nothing back home could possibly compare to everything you are experiencing in another country. That safety blanket is lie, because everyone (life) is changing, growing and evolving back home. Though you may feel like a completely different person now, as may the people back home. Time does not stop, nor do the people that we involve ourselves with. The safety blanket is a protective factor that can easily be stripped from you when you least expect it.
Yesterday, I found out my grandma passed away. Her death was drawn out, yet quick. She has wanted to leave us since the day my grandfather passed away; you could see that in her face, mannerisms, and in her soft-spoken words. Before I left for Australia, she said good-bye to me like I would never see her again. Walking away from her with a chill running down my spine, I also knew that was the last time I was going to see her; a silent acknowledgement. No one in my family was especially ready to say good-bye to someone they loved so dearly, but we all knew it was time.
Across the globe, I cannot be with my family, I cannot be a part of their grieving, and they cannot be a part of mine. We are just voices over a device. We’re detached from each other, and I’m especially detached from the reality of the situation. I imagine, and envision situations my family is in but I do not know the actuality of the hours planning a funeral, saying final good-bye to her.
Across the globe, I grieve; caught in-between feeling alone, and knowing I have all the support I need. I wish I could say my final good-byes to my grandmother, I wish so badly I could be at her funeral surrounded by loved ones. I feel guilty that I left knowing she was in bad health, but I know that feeling will pass. My grandmother was proud of me, and was so excited for me to finally travel to Australia ( a life long dream). I know that somewhere my grandma is at peace, perhaps with my grandfather. It is in that comfort of thinking she is somewhere lovely, and with my grandpa that will get me through.
I love you, grandma.