Love Is Imperative: Dealing With Loss Abroad

Yesterday I woke up from a nap to my host mom, Joelle, asking me if I wanted her to cut my hair. I’ve been needing a change. I’ve also been in need of sleep.

I ended my weekend by waking up late on Sunday morning. I wrote my last blog about the Tour du Monde and then made plans to meet my friends at Place Granvelle, around the corner from my apartment, to enjoy the Carnaval festivities. I ate a hot dog on a baguette (very French), admired the couples dancing in the drizzle, and felt a happy nostalgia looking at little kids walking through the park with their pastel pink barb à papa (cotton candy). Then my friends and I spent two hours on Grande Rue watching the marching bands and other spectacles go down the street for two hours. There was a lot of confetti. My feet were tired but I was happy.

I went home to eat dinner with Joelle and do my homework, which ironically was on the subject of “le bonheur,” or happiness, what happiness is all about, and the like.

Right before I sent my homework in to my professor I got a message from my best friend Kate. “Are you up? I need to talk to you,” she wrote me. I sensed the urgency in her message but only assumed she wanted to vent about school or friends or relationship stuff. I wish I had been right. Instead, when she finally gave me a call, I heard her voice as well as the voice of my other best friend Jess, as both of them tried to hold back tears as they told me the devastating news of the passing of our friend Tom.

I thought I heard wrong. Everything stopped for a second. And then I began to sob. I spent the rest of the night crying and on the phone with friends abroad and on the home-front. Talking and crying together and demanding an answer for why this terrible nightmare was happening, why it had become real life.

The rest of my week has been spent in the company of spurts of sobs, nervous anxiety, and Tom’s “Good Stuff” playlist on Spotify. I was jittery in every class I managed to go to. I tried to keep it together as much as I could. I’ve been missing class. I’ve had trouble sleeping. I’ve had trouble concentrating.

I’ve had “Aphasia” by Pinegrove and “Big Black Car” by Gregory Alan Isakov on repeat. I’ve been remembering Tom’s laugh and how tiny my 5’3 stature was next to him standing at 6’3. I’ve been remembering his easy, comforting, silly nature and not to mention his Long Island mom impression. I’ve been too busy trying to figure all of this out, trying to wrap my head around it, unable to.

But through it all I have been in constant contact with my friends back home, as well as a few of my girlfriends who are abroad like me. It’s been one of the only things getting me through the week.

We’ve all been talking. Venting. Reminiscing. Thinking. Simply comforting each other. Trying to forget for a moment and giving each other something to laugh about instead.

Being far from home hasn’t been easy through all of this. I’ve found myself needing my best friends more than ever and it’s hard being thousands of miles away from them. My friends and I abroad tried to make plans to meet somewhere just to be with each other, to have some familiarity, as that is what we have all been lacking while we are across the ocean from our New Paltz family. We first made plans to meet in Florence. When that didn’t work out, we tried for London. That didn’t work for all of us either. But I’m glad that my friends Hara and Becca got to spend a few days together to be there for one another.

I’ve particularly had a hard time in terms of expressing myself, given that I talk to most people here in French. More often than not I have just given up and started speaking English. My professors have noticed I am not entirely myself, have asked me what is wrong and have tried to comfort me. My foreign friends have noticed it too, and as it is too hard a subject to communicate in French, they have just managed to understand me with nonverbal communication. It’s amazing how sweet and caring people can be even when you don’t actually say much of anything. It’s amazing how much people can still comfort and understand you.

Thursday my two Chinese friends (Meitong & Yuqi), one Japanese friend (Mayuko) and one Indonesian friend (Angga) and I spent the entire afternoon sitting by the water, followed by sitting in the cat café across from my apartment. We spent our time drinking coffee and teaching each other expressions, whether funny, vulgar, loving or otherwise, in each other’s native languages. I laughed and I forgot about everything for a while. I was in good company and that was all that mattered.

FullSizeRender-2

Through all of this I have learned how important it is for people to be there for each other, to be empathetic and sympathetic and to reach out to those who are hurting. I am blessed to have solid support systems on both sides of the Atlantic Ocean. I wouldn’t be able to get through this without either of them.

When dealing with loss abroad, it is important to be there for the people who are going through these circumstances alone. To let them cry on your shoulder. To simply ask them how they are doing or if they are okay.

It isn’t easy going through it on either end – whether abroad or at home. But it’s important to know that you aren’t alone. That there are people around who care about you and love you. Who want to hear you out and comfort you and make you forget the heartbreak for at least a little while.

Thursday morning my professor Claire noticed I was still not myself. We were doing an exercise where we had to differentiate the past tenses. She chose whoever to act them out so that we would have a better understanding through a visual context. We got to an exercise that dealt with someone walking in a classroom and everyone applauding. I knew she was going to call on me. And of course she did.

I walked out of the classroom and walked back in to applause from all of my friends, going along with the exercise, everyone laughing and smiling, having a good time and making me feel good. I knew Claire had done this for me just to make me smile and laugh, to make me feel a little bit better, to see a real, unforced smile on my face again. It worked, and it almost brought me to tears.

So if there is a lesson to learn from this saddest of all weeks maybe it’s this: love is imperative. And it is so important to lift each other up. Be there for your friends and loved ones. Try to make them smile in any way you can. Let them know how important, how integral they are to your life. Share your love. Let it be heard and felt and known. All it takes is a phone call, a hug, a listening ear or simply just a hand to hold.

Despite all the heartache and despite all the miles in between, I know that all of our broken hearts will be mended, in some way or another glued back piece by piece. Love is imperative. Your love is imperative. The love of your friends and family is imperative.

Love you and miss you forever, Tom O’Rourke.

IMG_2640

The Real Definition of Melting Pot

Besançon is a melting pot. It’s a very eclectic little city, but despite its small size and the fact that most people have never heard of it when you ask them, there are thousands of people living here from all over the world: Thailand, Syria, Belorussia, Iran, Japan, China, the Republic of the Philippines, Indonesia, Italy, Senegal; the list goes on and on.

The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines melting pot as “a place where different types of people live together and gradually create a community.” If you ask me, that describes Besançon pretty well. Especially after the Tour Du Monde en 80 Plats (Around the World in 80 Plates – yes, a clear play on words of Around the World in 80 Days), where I feel the definition is present both literally and metaphorically speaking.

The Tour Du Monde, in something like its 20th year running, was held this past Tuesday and Wednesday, March 29 and 30. This event, to put it simply, pretty much exemplified everything that Besançon is and has to offer: the different people, the different food and all of the different culture blended into one event over the course of two days.

Everyone from their individual countries got together to cook and bake traditional homemade cuisine. Our American team made barbecue pulled chicken, corn bread, coleslaw and cheesy potatoes (thanks to Griffin, Jesse, Katherine and Kyle) as well as banana bread (thanks to Genesis) and cheesecake (thanks to yours truly, Tori, Kate, Laura and Hespera).

The Americans! (left to right) : Hespera, me, Katherine, Kate, Jesse, Kyle, Tori, Griffin, Laura, Leanne, Kevin, Riley.

The Americans! (left to right) : Hespera, me, Katherine, Kate, Jesse, Kyle, Tori, Griffin, Laura, Leanne, Kevin, Riley.

Last Monday was the day we started baking. Tori and I woke up early to go food shopping, and from there on we were all making cheesecake from dawn until dusk: 11 a.m. to 12 a.m. Twelve hours and nearly 30 containers of Philadelphia cream cheese later, we were all completely drained, covered in Speculoos crumbs and cheesecake batter, with 170 mini cheesecakes and three big cheesecakes cooling outside my apartment.

I woke up Tuesday morning feeling some sort of hungover. I had drained all the life out of myself. I relaxed all day until I knew friends were coming by to help me carry the cheesecakes around the block (it’s a good and convenient thing I live where I do) – I also knew the long night we all had ahead of ourselves.

I walked into the Grand Kursaal where the event was being held: a big theater filled now with tables and chairs for the people who would be coming to eat all different varieties of food. Everyone was setting up at their individual tables. Chinese lanterns hung next to our big American flag. The room was rushed and buzzing.

grand kursaal 2

Le Grand Kursaal. Photo by Mayuko Hamada.

I honestly don’t know if I’ve ever felt such a lively, enthusiastic energy in a room before. Everyone was excited to tell their guests about their food, their culture and themselves. As Americans, it was sometimes easy for us to understand why the guests chose other tables over ours at first. People knew more about the United States than most other countries at the Tour Du Monde. But when people came over to us and actually took the time, they realized we were more than just burgers and fries. Our servings started to dwindle. Our cheesecake even sold out on the first night (so yes, we did have to make more the next day… 15 more containers of Philadelphia, 131 mini cheesecakes and three more cakes later…).

Being as this event was run by the social/cultural activities coordinators from the CLA (our university), a lot of our friends from class were there. And that’s another cool thing about living in Besançon and going to school at the CLA: you meet so many new, interesting and diverse people here from all over the world. Our friends from South Korea introduced us to chicken marinated with garlic and other spices, ketchup and a sauce called “gochujang” (“닭강정” in Korean, pronounced “dakgangjeong”) along with a traditional honey cookie called “yakgwa.”

Korean chicken dish: Dakgangjeong.

Korean chicken dish: Dakgangjeong. (Picture by Yeonsu Chu)

Our friends from China made homemade spring rolls (“nems” in French, “春卷” in Chinese, pronounced “chun juan”), rice with shrimp and vegetables, spicy tofu (ma po tofu), and a dessert called “perles de coco” (the French translation, “nuomici” in Chinese) a glutinous rice dumpling filled with a sweet red bean paste and coated with coconut. I tried homemade sushi made by my friend Mayuko. I also walked around and tried food from the Philippines and Syria (it turns out Syrian food is incredible; would recommend).

Japanese food. Photo by Mayuko Hamada.

Japanese food. Photo by Mayuko Hamada.

Most of all it was just super cool and inspiring to be able to (and to have to, for that matter) communicate with everyone in French. It was so interesting and enlightening to be surrounded by people whose only common language was French (though some people would throw us Americans a “hello” or a “thank you” every now and again).

Photo by Kyle VanKrimpen.

American food! Photo by Kyle VanKrimpen.

And naturally, when you’re standing next to a bunch of people in a crowded room for hours, legs hurting and feet sore from standing too long, you need to find things to distract yourself. You start talking to people – maybe in French like all of us. You start to learn more about them and their culture. You learn why they came to France in the first place, what they’re looking to accomplish here, when they’re going home, which meal they made for their stand, which meal they liked from yours. Not to mention everyone complimented our cheesecake. That was enough to put me on Cloud 9. Everything about the Tour Du Monde was fun. I just felt giddy.

(left to right) Mayuko (who bought our cheesecake!), me, Kate.

(left to right) Mayuko (who bought our cheesecake!), me, Kate.

Not only was there food but there was entertainment too, or “les spectacles.” We watched our friends from Japan and Indonesia perform their cultures’ traditional dances. The music and the movements were so catchy we caught ourselves dancing and vibing along while we watched them. Riley performed a traditional Irish step dance and Griffin played a couple songs on the guitar to represent the United States.

At the end of Wednesday’s night, as the night was coming to a close, everyone got up on stage as Vincent, the coordinator acknowledged each of the countries that participated. They played a couple songs that we all danced to on stage, ending with Psy’s “Gangnam Style (강남스타일)” (it was super cool to see people, a couple of my friends among them, who actually understood the lyrics and could legitimately sing along to them).

But like I said, the Tour Du Monde was probably my best/favorite experience while being abroad yet. Being able to talk to people, laugh with them, learn about them, and teach them some stuff about yourself and your culture, all while speaking French, has just been so gratifying. It makes knowing I have to leave this city and all these people in about two months that much harder and that much sadder. And with a two-week spring break approaching at a rapid speed (it’s already next week, woohoo!!) it’ll all be going by that much quicker. I’ll just have to try to make the most of it and make it last for as long as I possibly can.

Thanks to all my American friends who helped bake with me, who cooked and baked all of our other food, set up our decorations and who have become like a little extension of my family. Thanks to all the other friends I have made while I’ve been here – y’all know who you are, and I have learned so much from all of you. These are truly experiences I will never forget.

(left to right) Yeonsu, Ghozy, Kate, me, Yuqi.

(left to right) Yeonsu, Ghozy, Kate, me, Yuqi.

(left to right) Meitong, Yuqi, Angga, me, Kate, Ghozy, Yeonsu.

(left to right) Meitong, Yuqi, Angga, me, Kate, Ghozy, Yeonsu.

Weekend In Luxembourg And Metz

When registering for this program, we were told that we would get two excursions throughout the semester with lodging and transportation paid for. I’m not too sure what’s going on, but we keep getting free trips thrown at us.

This past weekend we enjoyed our third excursion, a trip to Luxembourg, Luxembourg and Metz, France. Saturday was a long bus ride to Luxembourg. We stopped along the way at a truck rest stop to have some lunch. Since the Europeans love their meal times, we had over an hour to relax. We hopped back on the bus and were soon at our hostel.

After we unpacked in our rooms we jumped back on the bus for a tour around the town, the first half on the bus, the second walking around the breathtaking scenery.

10172692_10152369372546410_1289920130249707076_n

 

After the tour, we were off on our own for free time and discovered Centre Ville. I was told that Luxembourg was a rich country and, boy, did I believe it. The architecture was incredible and the views were unimaginable.

One of my best friends fro Michigan, Tyler!

One of my best friends from Michigan, Tyler!

10153701_10202856746853273_1394479232600564713_n

We all met back at the hostel for a dinner of salad, chicken, potatoes and vegetable stew. They spoil us. Soon after, we headed back out into the city to enjoy the clubs. They were everything you would imagine a wild European club would be. We tired ourselves out dancing the night away and returned to our rooms for some sleep before our next busy day.

The next morning, they served us breakfast and we were off to Metz, France. Our first stop was Le Centre de Pompidou. At first I did not expect to enjoy this modern museum because I am the last one to find meaning out of abstract shapes, but to my surprise I thoroughly enjoyed the trip. Reading the captions and absorbing the atmosphere helped me enjoy the artwork.

You have to stand back far enough in order to see the figure

You have to stand back far enough in order to see the figure

Gillan and Diva in front of what looked like a very texturized wall

Gillan and Diva in front of what looked like a very texturized wall

Illuminated Trish

Illuminated Trish

We then went to the fourth floor for the “Paparazzi” exhibit. Upon entering, you have many cameras flashing at you, microphones moving, and a recording of a crowd nagging you. It was a simulation of the red carpet that I’m sure is not nearly as bad as real life. They then had tons of racy photos of female celebrities, which I learned that the Paparazzi follow some of these women for years before getting a truly suggestive and inappropriate picture. Though this exhibit made me extremely angry and disgusted, I really enjoyed the experience.

After the museum was free time in Centre Ville. I found myself in La Cathèdrale Saint-Étienne de Metz on Palm Sunday, the cathedral with one of the largest expanse of stained glass in the world. The only way to truly appreciate it is to see it in person, photos don’t do any justice.

1148825_10203805885693908_1272847768980904482_n 10154169_10203805886213921_2115419687355159297_n

 

Trish, Gissel and I enjoyed lunch at an Italian restaurant afterwards where they ate tortellinis and I had pizza and fries, which I did not think went together until I arrived in France. The meal was extremely delicious and satisfying and afterwords, we walked around the town seeing the park, games in the street, and Le Graoully, the legendary dragon of Metz. Unfortunately when we saw him, a leg was missing.

Le Graoully

Le Graoully

Soon after, we had to catch the bus back home. The day went by extremely quickly but we were definitely exhausted and ready to go back home. It was a great weekend and us New Paltz students were told we have another prepaid trip for the day to Germany. So many things to look forward to!

 

Second Half Of A Wild Winter Break

After a day of traveling, Trish, Gissel and I arrived in Nice around 7pm to meet Anna and Gabby at the next apartment we reserved through airbnb. All of the palm trees made it feel like a true vacation.

Once we settled in, we walked through town to find a place for dinner. We landed at Poupon & Marinette, a small traditional Nice restaurant. There were two men and a woman working, which I assume were the owners. I had honestly felt like I was just invited into a grandmother’s house because the woman taking care of us was so inviting.

She decided that we would be eating from the prix fixe menu and she decided almost everything else for us but I was totally fine with that. We started off with bread, raw vegetable that we dipped in a fish paste, and some more bread toasted with olives because you can never had too much bread in France. She then decided we were going to have a bottle of red wine with that.

For the main course we enjoyed gnocchi and a stew of our choice. Gabby had beef, Anna had chicken, Trish had lamb, and Gissel and I had rabbit. I wanted to try something knew and I was definitely not disappointed.

Our stews came in huge portions

Our stews came in huge portions

After being completely stuffed, we had dessert and an after dinner shot almost against our will. It was a delicious meal and an incredible experience.

The next day was the Carnaval de Nice, the reason why we traveled over 8 hours from Besançon. During the day was the flower parade where women on the floats threw thousands of flowers into the crowd and many different countries were represented.

I had bought some festive glasses

I had bought some festive glasses

1975005_10203502864398565_882259251_n 1888577_10203502860398465_1289728042_n

Many things were also written in Italian since Nice is right next to Italy

Many things were also written in Italian since Nice is right next to Italy

We even got to spend some time on the beach

We even got to spend some time on the beach

After the carnaval, we rested up before heading out at night for the Festival of Lights. We grabbed some pizza from an Italian pizza truck on the way, each ordering a personal pie. that definitely is up for the running for the most amazing pizza I’ve ever had.

Pizza with chorizo, peppers and olives

Pizza with chorizo, peppers and olives

 

We were caught in a torrential downpour on the walk to the night session of the carnaval and the rain soaked right through our jackets. So we ended up turning around, heading back to the apartment and streaming Girls for hours. We ended up having a fun night regardless before we had to spend all of Sunday traveling for over 9 hours back to Besançon. This break beats any other break I’ve ever had.

Starting Winter Break In France

L’Université de Franche-Comté grants us a total of three weeks of vacation during the spring semester, starting with one week off at the end of February for winter break. I had the opportunity to travel with Gissel and Trish to Lyon first.

We found an apartment to stay in on www.airbnb.com. I greatly recommend this website for whenever you are looking for affordable accommodations during your travels. You create an account and can browse through countless offers, tailoring your search to certain price ranges, lodging types, and specific locations.

The first day in Lyon we discovered the Parc de la tête d’or to visit the botanical gardens and the zoo. Unfortunately it was too chilly so some animals couldn’t come out.

View from the apartment

View from the apartment

Plants from South America

Plants from South America

"Le Petit Panda"

“Le Petit Panda”

Absolutely breathtaking

Absolutely breathtaking

This guy looks embarrassed. He's probably just cold

This guy looks embarrassed. He’s probably just cold

 

Unfortunately my camera had broke so my iPhone had to suffice for the rest of the week. The next day we explored Vieux Lyon where we found breathtaking churches and ancient Roman ruins.

Amphitheater

Amphitheater

These churches are too big to capture in one picture

These churches are too big to capture in one picture

Vie of Vieux Lyon

View of Vieux Lyon

 

We purchased tickets for a Segway Tour for our third day in Lyon. What started off as a joke turned out to be a great experience. Where can I find myself a segway?

There goes Gissel practicing

Gissel practicing, it’s not as easy as it looks!

Proud of my nearly learned skills

Proud of my newly learned skills

 

And at night we attended Oh! Paradis, a one and a half hour drag show for 25 euros that included desserts to share and a drink each. Please excuse the quality of my photos, I was heartbroken that I no longer had my camera.

1782186_10152277859486410_1450153326_n

Freddie Mercury

Freddie Mercury

Madonna

Madonna

 

For my first drag show, I was not disappointed. I sang along to the songs I knew and just stuck to dancing for the ones I didn’t. Those three days in Lyon were incredible. Although three days was not enough, it was off to Nice to meet up with Gabby and Anna!

Introduction To My Newfound French Life

As I think about the past two and a half months of my life I can’t seem to understand how all of my experiences fit into that small span of time. So let me start from the beginning.

I can still remember the day I landed at the Charles de Gaule airport in Paris with seven other New Paltz students and no idea how to get around like it was yesterday. For the first few days I didn’t understand any signs around or anything anyone was saying. But my relaxed personality kept me from feeling a culture shock and I adjusted to French life almost immediately.

The view from my room

The view from my room

 

Wall art everywhere

Wall art everywhere

Looking back over two months later I realize many things have happened. Starting with the obvious, my French has greatly improved. But what I did not realize right away was that I had never truly had a conversation in French before my departure. My confidence in the language only arose from conjugating verbs in class and reciting prewritten sentences that I had plenty of time to construct beforehand. Now I find myself debating topics in class and bonding with people that don’t speak a word english.

So far this semester I have made a bunch of incredible friends from all around the country, I learned to rock climb with French directions, and I’ve been to two Rugby games.

The dorm rooms are small but we fit

The dorm rooms are small but we fit 

Trusting Gabby to bring me down

Trusting Gabby to bring me down

 

Merguez and vin chaud from the rugby game

Merguez and vin chaud from the rugby game

 

I’ve also been lucky enough to enjoy the two excursions included in the SUNY program – the first to Haut-Doubs.

Enjoying the cheese factory in Haut-Doubs

Enjoying the cheese factory in Haut-Doubs

The cheese factory: where the magic happens

The cheese factory: where the magic happens

 

It was impossible to capture the beauty of the waterfall that serves as a border between Switzerland and France

It was impossible to capture the beauty of the waterfall that serves as a border between Switzerland and France

We're standing on the Switzerland side of the waterfall while the picture was taken from the France side

We’re standing on the Switzerland side of the waterfall while the picture was taken from the France side

The second trip to both Geneva, Switzerland and Annecy, France was even better.

Le jet d'eau, or the geyser, in Geneva

Le jet d’eau, or the geyser, in Geneva

We enjoyed a beautiful boat tour on the lake of Annecy

We enjoyed a beautiful boat tour on the lake of Annecy

 

We even got to explore the Centre Ville of Annecy at night

We even got to explore the Centre Ville of Annecy at night

 

Though the culture here is much more relaxing than New York, I have had all but a dull moment this semester. We’ve even been lucky enough to enjoy a week off at the end of February for winter break, which made it possible for me to explore other parts of France, including the Carnaval de Nice. Stick around for my next post to see how incredible that vacation was!